Spence pony weasel

   “What on Earth is that?” cried the smitten bangle.
   “Squidgy alligator bean?” queried primal spore.
   “Ellen pod vixen?” inquired venal mandible.
   “No!!! I am Spence pony weasel!!!” exclaimed Spence pony weasel.

THE END

Ultraviolet flowers

   "Stop disembarking my inventory, you fool!!!" screeched Mandrake.
   The object at which he screeched had attached itself to a large mushroom which Mandrake had been hoping to enter in the County Fair Mushroom Growing Contest next week. And the mushroom was shrinking. Rapidly. Luckily for Mandrake, his sister's ultraviolet flowers quickly disposed of the rampaging object, and had quite a tasty meal, now that it was suitably mushroom flavoured. All's well that ends well!

THE END

Work haikus

Here are a couple of haikus I wrote to some work friends of mine back in 2000, which amused me upon re-reading them this morning:

My eyes are so sore
I don't want to read a lot
But I still have to

So tired am I now
Makes it very hard to work
This is a haiku

Gadzooks

   "How rambunctious you are!" snivelled Blandsforth.
   "And, indeed. How snivelly you, indeed, are!" replied Gladsbury, in a manner which - it must be said - was entirely rambunctious.
   "Pass the moonshine!!!" screeched their mother, who was feeding a lizard to her large pet grapefruit.
   "Quite!" answered her two sons simultaneously.

THE END

Andy waterfall

   "It's much easier collecting the water we need with this waterfall so nearby!" exclaimed Character #1 cheerfully.
   "Indeed! Very convenient!" agreed Character #2.
   "Sure is! Very 'andy!" added their Cockney friend, Character #3, in a very contrived manner, to tie in the title of the story.

THE END

Warble over the ocean

   “Inconsequential floods have rampaged over the Pacific Ocean, as we cross to our correspondent being tossed around the deck of U.S.S. Warble”
   “Thanks Matilda. Yes, here I am aboard the U.S.S. Warble on what I thought would be a lovely holiday but is, instead, a very waterlogged trip indeed.”
   Amazingly, an enormous tidal wave of dry beach sand dropped out of the sky at that exact moment, depositing itself directly on the point of Matilda’s head. Some aliens from the Candelabra Nebula were rather surprised by this and let out several gasps:
   “Gasp! Gasp!” gasped Carrotron the alien.
   “Gasp ...gasp ... gaspgasp!” gasped his brother Wenford.
   And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

Ralph the hedgehog

   “Ole!” screamed Ralph the enigmatic hedgehog. He wasn’t at all Spanish, but he was of the (mistaken) impression that such outbursts made him seem somewhat exotic.
   “Obviously it wasn’t something any of us would have expected, but there you have it.” mused the antiseptic bloodwort, coincidentally named Myrtle, who had mysteriously appeared, as if by magic, from the depths of the magic Magic Man’s magic bag of magic.
   “But since we’re all here anyway, perhaps a more appropriate approximation would be to ensure that all the cardboard we are responsible for is suitably polished and parcelled, so as to make delivery more convenient for those lovely little turnips.”
   “Whatever you say?” questioned Sontrana querulously in the rather uneasy manner of speaking that we have all become familiar with over the course of the story.
   “But, but, but ...” shrilled Farnsworth, the footman, strangulatedly, warning us away from a fate worse than pumpkin sausages, a warning we will not have sufficient time to heed, for this is ...

THE END

Plaid THE Box

   “Gurgle...” went Binko the ostrich-headed hippopotamus.
   When that was over, all the blank mimeographs decided that it was well past time to be heading over to the Furnished Blanket.
   Of course, they would soon discover that this was not such a good idea after all, and many a plaid box (including Plaid THE Box himself, Grand Ruler and High Whotsit of the Society of Boxes, Packages and Assorted Wrapping Paraphernalia) would regret the day that was said, “Oh, is that what they’re for?”

THE END